I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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