Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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