I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
