Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
