You can't motorboat a personality
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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