you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
