youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize