WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
