I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize