I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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