So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize