I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
