What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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