i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
