I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
