I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
