Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
