the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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