i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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