My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
