My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
