just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize