So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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