You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
