His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
