We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
