I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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