there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
