When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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