Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
