drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
