After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
