I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
