im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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