i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
