Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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