Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
