dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
