Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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