I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have aggressive nipples.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
