You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
