Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize