like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
