she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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