so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i believe in u and ur pee
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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