im six kinds of drunk right now
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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