I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
