I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
