I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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