he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
