lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
