Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
