Moan for me like Helen Keller
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
