Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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