there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This is my gift to your gina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
