Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
