i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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