I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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