Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
