friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
