bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize