I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
