You work out of a Hotel?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize