I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
