The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
