Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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