I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
