he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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