Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize