THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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