Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
