Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
