shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
