Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
